Push it.
Squeeze it.
Pinch. It. Out!
You’ll feel better
Without a doubt!

That “song” a few girls and I came up with, goes all the way back to 1996, when I was in a month long camp, in Algonquin Park, Ontario. A 10-day wilderness canoe trip will make you a little silly, and have anyone talking smack about bodily functions in no time.

If I didn’t lose you yet with my intro, stick around and put your feet up, but please not your butt up in the air. I ain’t going to be wiping none of your tooshes. We’re not that close, friends.

I’m talking about bum wad, t.p. or plain and simple: Cottonelle toilet paper and wipes today. #LetsTalkBums.

Chances are one of your first jobs either involved doing chores for cash, had a paper route, babysat for friends/family or begged for money with dirt rubbed over your face, with your brother pretending you were homeless and lived under a bridge (oh, only us? My bad).

As a teenager I made a mint on babysitting for my relatives. My whole lifestyle revolved around climbing at the local indoor climbing gym, and babysitting. Since I am the youngest of 21 first cousins by at least 13 years, they had kids way before I even wanted to think of having them myself and I was their go-to person.

It’s been over ten years since I’ve changed any nappies (stole that “cute” word from my Irish sister-in-law), but I’m sure it’s like riding a bike. Don’t think you ever forget how to clean a child’s butt, or put a diaper on properly.

My cousins were specific: clean the solids off and struggle to not make a disgusted face, follow with a wet wipe and reload the kid in a fresh new diaper.

Now fast forward to adulthood. Why did we all stop using wet wipes on our adult bums? It’s a legitimate question. We’ve used them on babies and after potty training the young hooligans we stopped. I don’t know why. Perhaps I’ve been told by my parents at a young age that they’re to be avoided. But that’s not the case.

The last 20-something years a wet wipe hasn’t touched my nether regions (can’t believe I’m discussing this with you all but hear me out) until I attended the BlissDom blogging conference a few weeks ago with this fancy Cottonelle mechanism, which was sitting ontop of the regular toilet paper. Hanging out. Waiting to be used. Not this exact one, mind you. Cottonelle sent me a brand new one.

Meet the newly redesigned dispenser of the Cottonelle Fresh Care Flushable Cleansing Cloths featuring a special moisture-lock seal. Discrete enough to keep out in your bathroom at all times. Kinda like that it’s all white and doesn’t have any fancy designs on it.

It was safe to say I did the procedure incorrectly. It was uncomfortable to say the least. I saw the wet wipes in the bathrooms and I used one after making a tinkle. Just that. One wet wipe, flushed it down and stood around waiting for my ‘stuff’ to dry. I got impatient and pulled up my pants but it felt like I had peed in my pants. Oh we’re going there.

I spotted the Cottonelle booth at BlissDom and told my story. They laughed. But apparently there is a certain process to this you know, if you don’t want to feel like you’ve peed yourself a little. WET THEN DRY. Duh, dry off!