I have to say, I hate bra shopping probably just as much as I hate buying razors. There’s nothing fun about it. It’s all for necessity reasons, and holy by the jumpins I cannot get over the fit of all these different bras at Victoria’s Secret.

My parents gave me some American cash for Christmas so I could buy some things for myself, and since I was feeling practical, I decided to buy myself some new bras/underwear. So the other day, I ventured into this one dead mall (It’s a ghost town — 60% of the stores are only open on weekends.) that has a VS inside.

An older woman working there noticed I was looking through the bras and asked if I needed any help. Of course I do. There’s gotta be 60 bras in your store and I have no idea where to start. After I told her what colour and style (only push-up because hello IBTC) I’ve been looking for, she took me under her wing and selected a few bras for me to try on.

Man.

Bras are weird.

Some of them made my boobs really far apart. Others made them pointy! What? Who is going for that look?

After trying on a couple of bras, I was unsatisfied with how most of them fit. Primarily because I’m smack dab in the middle of band size, so no bra fits me perfectly. I usually go with the smaller band size which eventually stretch. I know you can get bra-extenders, but those are ugly, and… no thanks.

The bras I tried on

Body by Victoria: No
Fabulous bra by VS Pink: It was okay, but it had weird excess fabric on the front.
Very Sexy: (which I have in another colour from a few years back and LOVE) this one was also a no. Maybe they re-designed it.
Incredible Bra: As much as I’d like to attest it’s an incredible bra it’s just an every day bra. It’s what I ended up buying. It looks decent but the cups look huge. Oh well, I’m pretty pleased with how seamless it is under a t-shirt at least.

I came out of the dressing room and I’m a little surprised at how honest the VS woman was with me. She told me I had made a good choice on the bra and it was “much better” than the one I was wearing currently, which also happened to be from VS.

Oh thanks for making me feel insecure about the bra I’m wearing, woman. It was clear she was working for commission since she was repeating herself that I make sure I tell the cashier she helped me. Now while you all stare at my boobs for a second — for reference, this is what I was wearing (In a different change room. I bought the top though!). I guess you can see the seams lifting or folding outwards. Guh.

I also picked up 9 pairs of underwear! Missus made a fortune on me that day, I tell ya. I couldn’t find any of my favourite no-show seamless underwear anywhere in the store. She was trying to convince me that the cheekies were the same. Lady, they are not. Cheekies are not flattering on anyone’s toosh, let me tell ya. They slice the butt and make you look bigger than what you are! At least, there’s my opinion right out there for you.

I went with four of these (they have a really cool texture and are kinda shimmery!), and five of these.

Question for all the ladies reading. How often do you replace your bras? I mean, the ones you wear on a daily basis. Because I probably keep mine for much longer than I should. The VS woman told me her bras were starting to wear out within one year. I didn’t dare tell her how old the one I was wearing, was.